Lessons from 2004

2004 was the year I LOVED AND LOST. The guy once added me as a friend on Facebook many years ago. I accepted, and not long after, I unfriended him. He added me again, I accepted it, but for the longest time, I contemplated on unfriending him permanently because I just wanted nothing to do with him. My Christian self insisted that I kept him as a friend, so that once in a while, whenever I’d post Bible verses, the word of God might pierce his heart and turn him into a believer. It’s funny because earlier today when I was ready to unfriend him yet again, I found out he already did it for me. It’s as if the trash decided to take itself out. (Just kidding!)


An e-mail appeared in my inbox on Saturday, April 10, 2004 at 6:00 AM, Eastern Standard Time. It came from Bosefus Budderson, my virtual friend from Niagara Falls, New York. My 23-year old naïve self was ready to push the self-destruct button because of an epic romantic fail. So when I found a printed copy of the said e-mail this morning, I just laughed, shook my head, blogged about it and threw it away.

These ‘lessons’ won't have much of an impact in my life now as I am already married, but I could still share these nuggets of wisdom to any young lady who would need them. And there would be no sugarcoating.

Lesson 1: Be intelligent. “Always be classy. Don’t be crazy,” writes Greg Behrendt, author of the bestselling book, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.

“It sounds like maybe you are in love. I’m happy for you. Listen, I am very cynical of males in general. I am not cynical enough about females, and that’s just because of how the human mind works. I am so intoxicated at this very moment that I could probably send out a wave of energy loud enough to wake you. You’ve got to figure he started seeing you and your female friend around the same time. He went after her and lost interest in her and you gained his interest. I mean I am kind of awkward about vague relationships when it’s intelligent females I know that usually don’t act like that.”

Lesson 2: There’s no excuse for cheating.

“But it’s just something about the way he’s being – something you can’t trust. You seem to trust him; you’re in love with him. But I just can’t see how a male could have that kind of friendship with two women even though he might have a chance with continuing a relationship with one of them, you know? I don’t know how majority of romantic relationships work out there. I don’t even know how well they work out here because I think they’re pretty messed up.”

Lesson 3: Hanging out is not dating. Get a life!

“With my paranoid mind something says he’s being nice and sweet because he’s found a possible secure lay – not a girlfriend, not a wife. But something to consecutively turn to for a booty call you know? The typical male would be a bit awkward about the objection from one female. He’d say leave or something. It would ruin his manhood’s temporary bravery, catch him off guard, you know? That’s not love, that’s secure nookie on a string. That’s not good for the concept of a relationship, spiritual unity, the formation of one, soul mates (not always the same person as your lover). I don’t want to affect your decision; I’ve only had one relationship.”

Lesson 4: Don’t romanticize everything. Use your practical common sense.

“But your subconscious will always remember how you two met. I figure if he would’ve been accepting love at that time, he would have felt something. My heart says love can grow from this, but it will not blossom. There’s a chance that it will, honestly. But with the way I am, and the way my heart works. It just doesn’t sound stable.”

Lesson 5: Don’t settle for a meaningless relationship. You deserve better.

“It really can get boring for guys the whole same girl for a long time thing. It takes a lot of love and dedication and genuine interest to stay with the same girl. Really honey, I’d say, watch you’re a**. Keep the back door of the relationship unlocked so you can run out of it if things get bad. Don’t be too absorbed. Be cautious. And after you’ve been cautious, be cautious some more.”

Lesson 6: If something is too good to be true, it just might be.

“Sorry if this brings you down, hon. But you know I’m a pessimist. You e-mailed me expecting a negative response – some reason to possibly sway your mind from the possible gold way passage to a wonderful relationship with meaning and care and pure success. But if you wouldn’t have wanted something pessimistic, would you have mentioned the others were so happy in the top? Could that not be your subconscious trying to tell me to tell you that that to me is sort of a signal not to do this? You instinctively ask a person his viewpoint on the relationship knowing consciously and subconsciously that he is depressive and male-hating. Hah, don’t hate on me. Hugs.”

Reading this book was one of my guilty pleasures back in 2004.
I was young, single, and well...stupid.